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The Individuality of Dating

Many people have experienced failed relationships. Unfortunately, when singles go into a new relationship, there is a tendency to project their past partner's behavior onto the new person. One of the most important elements of gaining and maintaining healthy self-esteem in a romantic relationship simply involves seeing yourself and your dating partner independent of these filters.

As an example, consider that either you or your date ended a previous relationship because someone cheated. At the beginning of a relationship, you may not feel threatened, and allow more room to grow. Unfortunately, as you become more emotionally dependent, there may be a tendency to start fearing that your new girlfriend or boyfriend is straying. This can easily escalate into a game of blaming and accusation that will send either you or your mate running for the door.

Instead of falling into this downward trend, try spending time engaged in social activities that do not include him or her. As you engage in these other activities, and have no personal inclination to stray, you will create a new model of behavior. From there, it will make more sense that your dating companion is also out enjoying social activities that don't necessarily involve looking for someone else to be with.

On the other hand, you may find that you send conflicting signals. As an example, you may meet someone attractive, but make a decision to stay in your current relationship. Regardless of whether you stay out of "duty", or the feeling that you could not be successful in dating the other person, self-esteem plays a sublime role. You may come to realize that your fear of your partner cheating on you may have started with your own unconscious interests. These in turn, may project messages to your mate in a way that makes him or her nervous, and therefore, more inclined to seek out someone new.

Today, failed relationships and romantic mismatches are more common than lifelong connections. Along with self-esteem, singles need to be aware of the signals that they are sending to their dating partners. By exploring social situations without your mate present, you may find it easier to analyze these signals and make corrections as needed.

Posted at 10:23 PM on Dec 28, 2007 By

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